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Citizen of Ville Joie

~ An orphan's story. Based on true events.

Citizen of Ville Joie

Tag Archives: Blog

Citizen of Ville Joie – The strength within

24 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by Steve Marchand in Excerpts from Citizen of Ville Joie, Second pass

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adoption, Blog, Books, Entertainment, family, Life, Stories, Writers, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt taken from my story, Daryl thinks about what Danielle, his case worker, meant to him as a child and still means today.

“…I will see Danielle again. I will see her one last time.

When we return, the conclusion to tonight’s story.”

The years that separate Danielle and I have severely faded the image I have of her in my mind but luckily, it has left untouched the way she made me feel and that is what resurfaces first when I think of her. When the mood calls for it, as it very much does right now, one deep breath with my eyes closed is all I need to recall how good it felt to be with her when I needed it the most and at the same time benefit from the remnants of appeasement she has kindly left for me not too far behind my memories of her. For that, I am greatly indebted to her and I welcome the good she still brings to my life as the gift it truly is.

It does matters more and more however that I never had a real picture of Danielle. Holding an image of her would add a tangible feel to the emotions she awakens when I think of her. Obviously, during the period I was lucky enough to have her as my case worker, the adults around me had to have their priorities straight and taking pictures, which was a lot more work back then compared to today, was probably not very high on their list.

Had I known then I would one day come to crave pictures of certain people from my youth, I would have insisted someone freeze a few moments in time. What I wouldn’t give today to have a picture of Danielle with her arm around my shoulders. I would guard with my life an image of Allan and I together at summer camp or one of Andrée with two ee’s smiling at me. The only picture I own of that period which is also the only one of me before the age of ten, is a picture of myself sitting in the mess hall at Ville Joie. I have no idea what I looked like when I was a baby, what I wore on my first day at school or thank God, if I looked as ridiculous as I felt wearing that ugly clip-on tie that went with that oversized suit of mine.

I feel selfish for focusing on what I wish I had when I carry in me the soothing memory of Danielle’s presence. After all I pressed myself to look back on tonight, remembering how Danielle calmed my fear of the unknown when I was a child is enough to convince me I have the strength to face the other kind of unknown coming my way today. Life is a lot easier when all you have to do is close your eyes, take a deep breath and conjure on a strength that already lives within. I guess that’s what they mean when they say you “have it in yourself” to do something.

It’s a brutal return to reality as I open my eyes to see Jackson in the midst of an animated discussion with Susan in her booth. Judging by the color on his face and also by his very presence here a solid two to three hours earlier than usual, he is aware of what I have been doing all night and he isn’t happy about it but Susan seems to be holding her ground. As much as I would like to, I don’t have enough time during this break to leave my seat and go get into an argument with him. He won’t go any further than Susan’s booth either, he knows better than to enter my studio during my show.

From my seat, I can see Susan showing him the numbers from last night and I don’t have to be a lip reader to understand she is telling him the feedback from the listeners have been great. Susan, being the competent producer that she is, has had the foresight through the entire night of printing a large number of positive Emails, Facebook posts and Tweets written by listeners from all over the world and she abruptly ends the conversation by shoving the entire stack of printouts in his hands. When Jackson turns around and walks out Susan’s booth holding this impressive pile of commendations, she gives me a feisty “I’ve got your back” kind of wink.

Jackson’s face was so red when he left her booth, his head will probably be medium-rare by the time he reaches his office. Or was he simply being choked by the particularly ugly tie he chose to wear for us today. Just this once, I’m going to be mean and allow myself to root for the latter…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad.

I do not have representation.

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Citizen of Ville-Joie – The unexpected part 3

15 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, family, Friends, Life, People, Personal, Thoughts, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl visits his new home.

Personal note : This was one the most amazing moment of my childhood. The memory of it is still so vivid, so present, my heart was racing as I was writing this entire segment. If you are visiting for the first time, please go back to this post to catch up a little before you read this post. Thank you!

“Gerard introduces me to the beautiful woman by his side. Her name is Grace and she is his wife. She sounds as kind as she is beautiful and has a big smile on her face, just like Gerard who seems so proud of himself for having been able to keep the secret until the very end and surprise me.

Even though they are not taking me with them for good tonight, they were given permission to take me for a ride and visit their home, which isn’t too far from Ville Joie. I make Gerard laugh by telling him that his wish from earlier that day came true; we will be able to still see each other even though I now have a family. On our way to their home, I am so excited, I can barely sit still in the backseat. When I think of the fear and the uncertainty this same moment has caused the other times I have been through it, this is the best revenge I could have ever wished for. Payback, on life itself, not for those who have rejected me up to this point; they did what they had to do just I like I did what I had to do to ensure my own happiness. I feel like Andy Dufresne at the end of The Shawshank Redemption, driving with the top down as a free man. There is no ocean in the background and Gerard’s Toyota Corolla isn’t a convertible, but this is has got to be the sweetest ride there is.

When we arrive at their house, Gerard and Grace give me a tour. It’s a small but cozy home in a very quiet neighborhood. Grace, who must have sensed my excitement, makes sure to tell me how sorry she is I can’t move in with them immediately. That’s fine by me because the whole thing feels right. I actually feel like a normal child, as if I belong here, with them. I no longer feel out of sync with the world around me and if waiting a little while to make this joy inside of me permanent is the price to pay, I’m willing to go along with it.

We sit in the living room to talk as Grace brings the three of us a glass of pop, a rare treat for me as it has never been on the menu at the orphanage. We talk like friends, old friends who haven’t seen each other in years. There is no pressure to make a good first impression since this was done already and with great success a while ago at school. And there is no fear for what is to come. All there is really, is the utter enjoyment of a fun conversation, an ice cold glass of pop and the knowledge that this cozy house will soon be called home…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – The unexpected part 2

08 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, Events, family, People, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl now meets his fifth family.

Personal note : This was one the most amazing moment of my childhood. The memory of it is still so vivid, so present, my heart was racing as I was writing this entire segment. If you are visiting for the first time, please go back to this post to catch up a little before you read this post. Thank you!

“And then just like that, just when I had about forgotten why we were there in the first place, I hear the side door leading to the cafeteria opening behind us and the steps of people walking in. Whatever confidence I was feeling a few seconds ago has been wiped out in an instant and I am suddenly so paralyzed by fear, I can’t even find the strength to turn around and look at my visitors.

Giles notices I am frozen in my chair and says “They’re here, you want to stand up and say hello?”

I manage to get enough will to get out of my chair and push my legs up but I keep my head down as I turn around to face my new family. I take a deep breath while I remind myself of the importance of the moment and when I finally muster enough courage to raise my chin and see who they are, my heart stops and my brain can’t process the scene that is offered to me.

Standing next to a beautiful woman, is Gerard.

“Gerard, what are you doing here?” I ask, confused.

His answer comes out as the sweetest words of them all. “We came for you, Daryl”.

The information doesn’t register. I keep looking behind Gerard and his beautiful lady friend to see if another family is hiding there, and quite frankly afraid they will emerge announcing they are the ones instead who came to pick me up. It takes me a few moments to realize, maybe more admit to myself, that Gerard is really there standing in front me in Happy Town, that he and this beautiful woman are actually here for me and that they are going be my family from now on. How fast can I learn all over again to breathe in happiness when I have choked on it so many times before?

At this moment, and for what seems to me to be the first time of my life, true happiness surrounds me. At last, there would be no fear, no strangers, no unknown. I guess I have to accept it for what it is; a beautiful moment happening for real, happening for me. And also accept that I am now allowed to breathe life, in and out, slowly, just like everybody else…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – Let’s go see Chuck part 3

21 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

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Agent, Blog, Books, Entertainment, Life, radio, Thoughts, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl meets a potential new agent (fiction part of the story).

“It wasn’t the first time a listener was expressing appreciation for something they had heard on the show. Over the years, Susan and I have met our fair share of people who were touched in one way or another by the stories we’ve told. Although we appreciate it, it is often dumped on us at the most awkward of moments or in a setting where it is very difficult to get into the kind of mood needed to truly listen to someone and experience their feedback as much as we would like to.

This time was different. Chuck’s words did come at an awkward moment, sure, but also when my guard was down which means I was receptive to his feedback; it resonated inside of me loud and clear. If he wanted to get my attention, he did a good job and with a delivery that was spot on.

I thanked him for his story and kind words after which, now feeling confident I was talking with someone who understood what I did for a living, we went ahead with the business of our meeting. I explained with great details where the show came from, how Lenny, Susan and I made it what it came to be and how things began spiraling down after Corporate took over.

In return Chuck told me more about his new Media Division, this new baby of his, born out of his desire to reconnect with the basics, with his true area of expertise which was making a client happy by making things happen for them. Over the years, Linden & Baker had grown so big, he had to set aside what he really enjoyed doing in order to devote all of his time to the business, the numbers and the money. His hard work had thrusted his company to such a successful and steady level, he now felt secure enough to delegate a big chunk of his duties so he could return to what he had always felt was the more rewarding part of his job.

Chuck made it clear to me he only wanted to take on a few clients to get the new division going, like he had done for his main company years ago. No actors or sports stars this time, these people tend to be very high maintenance and he didn’t think he had the energy or the patience to travel that route again. No, he wanted to sign only a few clients from the media industry, people with a lower profile but a clear purpose and see what good would came out of it, one deal at a time. Aside from the fact that he was the cofounder and Vice President of one of the most powerful agency in one of the biggest market in the nation, this was exactly what I was looking for.

So we had a long, at times brutal talk about where I went wrong in the management of my career and about what I wanted for the future. It didn’t take a superior intelligence to understand that the job I once had was gone and the level of comfort I felt through it could probably never be recaptured. I told Chuck I had slowly become aware of that over the last little while, but if we could find a place where I could do my show unbothered, I knew I could be happy again. Of course, Susan had to be part of the deal. We have been a team for so long and we have the show’s delivery down to a science, so her coming with me was a deal breaker…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – Bending a young spirit

07 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, family, Friends, Inspiration, reading, Thoughts, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl deals with internal conflicts (with changes to previous post).

“I am eight years old and I am beginning to feel tired. Quite frankly, at times, I also feel as cynical about my surroundings as I am about I what I feel inside. I am far from giving up, it’s just that returning to Ville Joie in these circumstances feels as though I am fighting to breathe in positive while drowning in a pool of negative. Just one of the many conflicts that end up filling the cracks and holding the pieces of my heart together after I fix it every time it gets broken. The battles these conflicts are waging inside of me are real, they are such a big part of who I am and they are slowly taking their toll on me. I guess it takes a young spirit, not yet weakened by the years, to have the natural will to live this long with this chaos that now defines my inside. But the very fact that I know there is chaos, that I know life shouldn’t feel this way, is proof that my spirit is starting to bend.

No doubt about it, I am glad to find my friends again, especially Allan who is still there, but I still have to deal with this new rejection. I also know deep inside it is going be more difficult to find a family for me this time around. It is something Allan and I whisper about late at night when the others are sleeping. We know that, with every birthday that comes and goes, we become less attractive for wannabe parents. Add this to the fact that Danielle is no longer there by my side, and I have to consider I may still be far from a break.

More Cat Stevens, and more Citizen of Ville Joie when we return.”

I look at the microphone in silence for a moment. I can feel all over again what it’s like to fear being left behind and not being sure if I would ever have a family. During this last segment, I saw a text message pop up on my phone but I didn’t look at it because I knew it was from Annie and I needed focus on the story. So I reach for the phone to read her message.

“Good God, Daryl how many? How many families were there?”

I can’t help but smile a little because I know I still have her attention, she is still listening. At this late hour, I wouldn’t blame her if her desire to listen had been tested at this point. It also makes me smile because her question brings back yet more memories from my childhood.

“Funny. I wondered that myself a few times back then. You’ll have to keep listening! Thank you for staying up so late with me tonight.

P.S. I’m texting Tweets now! Look me up”

Her response doesn’t take long.

“OMG! You’ll need to learn the lingo. Please don’t tweet that you are “texting Tweets” you’ll lose half of your followers. But I love to hear you tell your story. Keep doing it, I’m not going anywhere.”

I’m more than willing to use the technology but I will have to put my foot down for the lingo. I looked it up once, there are hundreds, if not thousands of abbreviations and the only one I knew in the lot was OMG. When I saw how long the list was, I thought WTF.

As I read Annie’s encouraging words, Susan enters the studio saying “Good God Daryl, how many more families are there?”

I slowly raise my head and ask “Are you kidding?”…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – Opening up to affection (part 2)

23 Sunday Sep 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

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Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, Children, Entertainment, family, Life, Love, Parenting, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl describes his arrival in yet another family.

“So I settle in with the B family and adapt to their lives like kids can sometimes do so easily. I feel quite comfortable with Mrs B as well as with N, the couple’s youngest daughter. It is summer and there is no school to go to, so N and I spend our days with Mrs B while Mr B goes to work at one of the local paper mills. Experience tells me that I can be sent back to the orphanage at any given moment, and so there is this instinctive defense mechanism that stops me from going out and make friends. This probably explains why I have no memories of ever going anywhere on my own but in the backyard.

Each night, Mrs B tucks me in and asks me what kind of kiss I want. I always ask for a “movie kiss” which is a long kiss with tightly closed lips, just like I saw in a movie once. She kindly obliges and laughs at my reaction afterwards, a mix of embarrassment and contentment. This is the first time I surrender myself to this level of affection, physical or otherwise. In the orphanage, there was a line the educators could not cross, and rightfully so. There couldn’t have been so much as a hint of inappropriateness and it surely explains why no bad stories have ever circulated about that institution. As for the other families, well, the cold wall I built around me did nothing to invite more offerings of closeness on their part once I turned down their gestures the first few times. There was kindness, politeness, but never the kind of affection I begin to express with Mrs B.

For all the safety and the good moments the orphanage gave me, the time I spent there had a few repercussions that explain the conflicts that rages inside of me whenever I become exposed to the basic feelings and emotions ready to strike at every corner in the outside world. The friendships I was fortunate enough to have in Happy Town were deep and sincere, especially with Allan, but there was always some distance between us orphans and while the attention we got from the educators was plentiful, it was usually given to us in bulk, as a group. Sure it made us feel good, but not so unique, not so special. The rejections, coming from entire families, that were slowly but surely piling up and the acquired normalcy of a certain distance were clashing with my need to feel unique, to feel that I mattered as an individual.

This is a desire over which I have no control and I have absolutely no idea how wide I am supposed to open my heart but, at this moment in my life, this is the one craving I need to satisfy more than anything else. When it becomes obvious I am going to be physically safe with the B family, when it hits me that I have finally learned something from my failures with the other families, I give myself permission to experience some fragments of love and affection. Even the fear of another rejection can’t shield me completely from such a basic desire inspired by a child’s mind and I accept, at last, that I am ready to let a few kind hearts reach out to mine…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – Opening up to affection

20 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

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Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, Entertainment, family, Life, Personal, Thoughts, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl describes his arrival in yet another family.

“Right. Twitter. Since I have in in my pocket and my name is now all over it, I might as well reach out to it. I only have a few moments to think about what to tell people and send my first tweet. Staring at my phone and I have to admit, I am a little nervous. I feel my words should be thoughtful but endearing, well written but for everybody. This is so much easier with a microphone. After a few tries, I narrow it down to a simple message.

“Where ever you are, thank you for listening. My story is yours.” #Daryl Hart

After touching the “Tweet” button, my first ever virtual message to the world goes out.
Almost immediately, Suzanne looks at me with a smile and gives me the thumbs up. When she sees the expression on my face she activates the mic in her booth to speak to me and says “I follow you on Twitter, you dinosaur!”

She then gives me the signal to get ready to go back on the air.

“”We’re back to Feel it Again. Mindful radio until six o’clock and with tonight’s story, Citizen of Ville Joie.

Not so long after my new case worker’s first visit, he comes back to see me again but this time to take me to a new family. No need for the ritual where I put on my suit and clip-on tie to meet my a new family, no time to prepare and mostly, no time to say goodbye to my friends. He presents this to me in a manner that is just as pale as his face. This is supposed to be a big moment, a celebration, not just for me but also for those in my life who devote their time to me, for those who share my hopes and struggles, and he can’t even do that right.

“Pack up your stuff, I’ve got a family for you” he says with his usual dry and unfriendly tone.

After much reflexion on my life, I came to understand that the only reason I can remember most of the events of my childhood is because of the emotions these events stirred inside of me. Of course it is normal to remember major events linked to the trauma and the scars left by violence or to heartbreaking moments of separation. But the memory of so many other details, some of them minute, can only be explained by emotions. I know that every single emotion was just as intense as the event from which it was born. I also know that I couldn’t remember my last days with the D family because I was so beat up by emotions, they were no longer registering. I had nobody then to take pictures and there is nobody today to remind me of how things were back then. We have all heard of people who sharpen their other senses to compensate after the loss of one of them. When I lost my family, it was emotions that helped me sharpen my memory and engrave images in my mind.

This is the reason I don’t remember as much from the B family. I was told about them and taken to them as if it meant nothing. This new case worker of mine didn’t understand or care about what this meant or about what I needed. Danielle would have done it much differently, that’s for sure, and today it is not only their story that would much more complete, but my life as well. I find it sad that this part of my childhood is not all that clear because if my memories are all over the place, they still show that I am actually at a point in my life where I am starting to open up.

The B’s are an older but kind couple with three daughters; one who was about four years older than me, another who was a young adult and a third one who was married. They also have a son enrolled in the army, but I will meet him only once. My guess is they wanted another boy and they had a chance to go for it, a chance the got through their niece Linda, one of the educators at Ville Joie.

Everybody loves Linda in Happy Town because she is always smiling. Whenever she enters the building, the mood changes for the better instantly. Linda and Carol are more like older sisters to us but highly protective sisters who care about us very much. With her help in pushing fate a little, Linda has gone from being an educator, to being a big sister in my heart, to becoming my actual cousin. Not bad for someone who’s now accustomed to being called an orphan…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville-Joie – The meeting

15 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

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Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, Entertainment, Fiction, Life, radio, story, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl describes his meeting with the suits from Corporate… (Fiction part of the whole story)

“To say that I was in a suspicious state of mind when I showed up to meet with the suits would be an understatement. The thought of my days at the station being at best numbered was definitely on my mind. I was, however, determined not to let fear be the lead story of their damn R.O.D. this time.

The meeting began with their usual parade as they entered the boardroom, all bearing a grave but obviously rehearsed look on their faces. I remained seated and pretended to continue reading from the book Minutes of the Lazarus Club. I am not that much of an avid reader, it just so happens it was the thickest book I had available to help give me and air of superiority. I also felt the title was a great counter balance to their unavoidable R.O.D.

The discussion began with one of the suits going around the table, introducing everybody in order of importance according to the level of their position within Corporate, beginning with the highest. I was introduced last. Jackson then went into the topic at hand; me. They wanted to officially inform me that my contract was due to expire soon, as well as discuss the fact that ever since Corporate had taken over, I was most of the time unwilling to accept ideas to improve my show and demonstrated contempt toward my employer. They wanted to know, before the sixty day threshold leading to my contract’s expiry date, if I was going to show some cooperation at once. Basically, they were warning me that if I didn’t march to their beat from now on, I was out. And they wanted to know at that moment if I was going to comply.

I’m sure they expected what they always get with that kind of mise en scène; a short and submissive answer blurred out in fear. What they got instead was a lesson is argumentation.

I turned to Jackson and asked “Did you know that I have never owned a car”?

“Excuse me?” Jackson replied.

“I have never owned a car. Did you know that?”

“No. I didn’t know that.” Jackson answered with a perplexed look on his face.

“What’s your point?” He asked.

“I know you own a Beemer, Jackson. The X6 model. That’s a beautiful vehicle, man. And I know you take great care of it. It shows just by looking at it. I tell you, that thing is a real jewel”

“Yes I take care of it. Why are we talking about my BMW, Daryl?”

“If you give me just a few minutes, Jackson, I’ll get to that soon enough. After all, according to your official meeting invitation, you have booked this room for a little while longer. I assume you guys cleared your schedule for the duration stated in the invitation, right?”

They all hesitantly nodded affirmatively or whispered a timid “yes”.

I sat back in my chair and did what everybody at some point in their lives wish they had done but couldn’t because the words came to them only after the moment had passed. I gave exactly the answer I wanted to give, and I did so exactly at the right moment…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – Discovery of attraction – concl.

22 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, Entertainment, family, Love, music, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. This excerpt is the third part and conclusion of the excerpt “Discovery of attraction”.

“On their last day at Ville Joie, all the interns show up at the beginning of the afternoon and stay with us for the rest of the day. It is special to have so many people around all at once but not special enough to bring me relief from the weight crushing my heart. I have already become sensitive to moments of departures and scenes of things ending, something that still afflicts me to this day. In mid-afternoon, Allan and I spend some time playing outside with Pete who appears much more pensive than usual. On our way back inside just before dinner, Pete turns to us and in a shaky voice says “You guys are very special, don’t you ever forget it”. We both thank him and tell him we like him very much also. His words hit us pretty hard, especially Allan who has grown so fond of Pete.

The mood is getting heavier by the minute and close to the end of our last dinner together, not much is being said. The interns have by now figured out that we have become emotionally attached to them and that somehow we know we will probably never see them again. My guess is that, rookies that they are, they have become attached to us as well and somewhere along their training, they forgot who they were dealing with; a bunch of kids craving for love but unaware what to do with it once it was offered to them.

After our nightly snack and after supervising us one last time as we prepare for bed, the interns come to see us one by one to say goodbye, just before lights out. All goes well until they visit the fourth or fifth kid who begins crying, which triggers a chain reaction of tears in the dormitory. From my room, I can hear the other kids cry and the interns doing their best to comfort them. I am not looking forward to my turn at all and I keep fighting the emotions inside of me. I have to be strong because the last thing I want is to end up crying in front of Andrée. Easier said than done; my room is the last one on the way out, so by the time the interns get to me, the dormitory is pretty much flooded with tears. When the first couple of interns make it to my room, I am able to hold it together by keeping it simple and saying just a plain goodbye. In the room next to mine however, I can hear Pete as he speaks to Allan in the midst of a powerful crying fit. I begin to sing a song in my head so I won’t hear what is happening around me. A short moment later, Pete opens the curtain of my room and walks in, saying a few words to me and extending his big hand as an invitation to mine. I keep the song going in my head, thinking that if I can’t hear what he is saying, I won’t lose it. On his lips, I can still read the last few words he says to me: “It was a pleasure meeting you Daryl”. My heart goes straight to my throat as I shake his hand. He turns around, walks away and at the same moment he exits my room, Andrée enters, and shuts the curtain close behind her.

She stands at the foot of my bed, herself looking shaken by the way the others kids have just reacted to saying goodbye. After a few seconds, she asks “Daryl, are you ok?” I know for sure that, if I try to say so much as one word, I will burst into tears. So just I simply nod yes and turned on my side to face away from her. Andrée must have taken it as a sign I didn’t want to talk to her and stays only a few more seconds to look at me. When I hear the curtain of my room being closed behind her after she leaves, it is more than I can handle and I start crying. Andrée who must have heard my sobs, rushes back in my room and sits on the edge of my bed to console me and tuck me in real tight, one last time. She speaks to me with her sweet, soft voice while resting her hand on my chest and assures me everything will be just fine. After a few, too short minutes, she leaves again, but this time for good. It takes quite a while, but I manage to cry myself to sleep with the music of Cat Stevens as the background.

This was the first time I ever cried for a woman. Andrée became a memory which faded over time, and surprisingly disappeared all together from my mind, until Cat Stevens brought her back to me. Thanks to him, her beauty remains intact and the sound of her voice, as faint as it has become because of the distance put between us by the passing years, is still sweet, soft and of great comfort to me.

It was both saddening and maddening to me that the memory of the interns had been buried so deep inside of me and for so long. This was such a dear and intense time for me, it should have been kept as close to my heart as possible and revisited as often as needed. My toughest moments were piled on top of these beautiful images which I am sure of it, were longing to be seen again because they climbed back to the surface with disarming ease once I made way for them. Well, once Cat Stevens and I made way for them. He is the reason I have so much respect for music and its power. Music is often part of the stage set of important acts in people’s lives and a song which may mean absolutely nothing to us may very well take someone else back to a defining time in their life. Be careful next time you say “I hate that song” to someone, what they may hear is “I hate that moment that means so much to you”…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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Citizen of Ville Joie – The discovery of attraction

18 Saturday Aug 2012

Posted by Steve Marchand in Second pass

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Tags

adoption, Blog, Books, family, Friends, Love, music, orphan, writing


Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this excerpt, Daryl discovers attraction…

“I was so afraid to lose that magic, I never sought to hear his music and instead, let fate surprise me with precious and randomly chosen images of my past, reassured by the knowledge that his music only brings back the happiest of memories.

A few years ago, I was running errands and I was in line at the pharmacy when his song “Sitting” began playing on their radio, triggering a very specific memory to come back to me. Something I hadn’t thought about for many years. Something only a song by Cat Stevens could push up to the surface. The images were so vivid, I had to get out of the line and sit down in the waiting area to soak them in.

When I first arrived at Ville Joie, the government had just taken over the administration of the orphanage which had been, until that point, ran by nuns. By the time I got there, only a few of them had stayed and were still working there, like our nurse, Sister Lisa. Since the state was involved, the educators had to be specially trained or have some sort of university diploma in a program related to dealing with children such Special Education or Child Care Worker. This approach was fairly new and soon, a fresh group of students reached the part of their course where they had to spend some time in the field for their training. Sure enough, a bunch of them showed up at Ville Joie for their internship which was scheduled to last a few months.

We loved our educators madly and we would never have traded any of them, for all the marbles in the world but, these interns were new faces, new voices, new everything and to a child, “new” is irresistible. So on their first day, a group of young interns stood in front of us in a little group and introduced themselves one after the other. Of course, I can’t remember all of their names, only two of them.

First there was Pete who was very tall, had incredibly large shoulders and a deep voice. He seemed so strong, he looked like he could carry all of us on his large back, a theory we once proved.

“Hi, my name is Pete” resonated throughout the entire room turned silent at the sound of his voice.
Then, from behind Pete, I heard ” Hi, my name Andrée” spoken with the sweetest, the softest voice of them all. I stretched my neck to try and get a look at the girl who had just introduced herself. I could see her feet, her legs and her hands but whenever I moved to see her face, Pete would be blocking my view. That voice moved something in me and I was overpowered by the need to see the girls’s face. I looked around the room and all of the other kids were acting normally, it was as if they had simply heard her name while I had heard something completely different, a presageful whisper intended just for me as a warning that something was about to change inside of me. Still, no matter how hard I tried or how I positioned myself, big Pete was in the way.

After the other interns introduced themselves, it was our turn to say our names and when it came to me, I shouted “DARYL” in Pete’s direction in the hope Andrée would stick her head out to see who would yell his name in such a way but it didn’t work; all it did was draw a huge laugh from the entire room which made me feel pretty stupid. Finally we were invited to go meet the new guys and shake their hands so I stood up and tried to reposition myself to see the face of the girl with the beautiful voice. Still no luck; the others had already overwhelmed the interns and since I was so small, all I could see were the back of the heads of my friends as well as the adults’ belt buckles.

I stayed at the back, looking down, and I was about to give up on my quest to see Andrée’s face when Giles came up to me to say it was ok to join in, so I walked right inside the group and was stopped by Pete whose hand made mine disappear when he shook it. I met the other interns, shook their hands as well and then, when I was no longer expecting it, the mysterious girl who’s sweet voice had cause such turmoil inside of me was right there, smiling and looking at me. She had short brown hair split in the middle as it was brought into fashion by Dorothy Hamill at the time, big blue eyes, porcelain skin she obviously knew didn’t need any makeup and a smile to die for. Andrée was a stunning beauty. “Weak in the knees” is not just an expression because when I saw her face for the first time, I dropped about two inches before I instinctively pushed myself back up bearing a look on my face that surely revealed I had no clue what was happening to me. I regrouped the best I could and looked at her face again for a few more seconds with my eyes, and probably my mouth, wide opened.

Andrée broke the awkward silence by saying “Aren’t you Daryl? I like the way you said your name earlier, with gusto!”

“Who’s Gusto?” I asked, quite seriously…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com This project is entirely written on an iPad…and no I do not have representation!

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