Monthly Archives: May 2012

Citizen of Ville Joie – Surrendering to her voice

30 Wednesday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. Daryl describes his first date with Annie…

“I was quite flattered when only a few weeks into our morning ritual, she was the one who moved us forward and suggested we went out for coffee, as she put it “somewhere nice and at night”, instead of “at work and so early in the morning”. I was mildly hesitant and wondered, albeit only for a second or two, if it was the right thing to do given how nice she was and, well, how I was who I was. My desire for more of her overwhelmed me and we set a date for the following Saturday night.

I was at least wise enough to know that Annie wasn’t the kind of woman to go to bed with a man on the first date, so I showed up relaxed, with no agenda and thanks to that clear mindset, two things were quickly revealed that night. First, I really did like her and second, she really did like cake. I stared at her for what seemed forever and listened to every word she was skillfully able to pronounce between two bites of that giant piece of double chocolate cake she had ordered. She spoke for hours about work, family, favorite foods, movies, songs and I got most of it. I have to admit, at that moment I was more focused on the depth of her eyes and on the sweet sound of her voice.

At the beginning of that first date, I had to beat down the part of my conscience trying to rise and remind me that Annie was too special for me and by the time my lips touched her cheek when we said goodbye later that night, I had already chosen to surrender all I could to her…”

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Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville-Joie – Words from a peaceful voice

28 Monday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. Daryl describes Annie…

“Anyway, back to Annie. She would come in to work very early, which I assumed at the time was because she wanted to see the guys from the morning show, the real stars of the station. It turned out that Annie had been a longtime listener of mine and came in to work much earlier than her scheduled hours because she wanted to see what I was like in person. Early in the course of our conversations, which began on her third day, I noticed the way she was looking me. Some looks aren’t meant to be friendly. We always talked while pouring cream and sugar, in her case a ridiculous amount of sugar, in our coffees in the employees lounge. As the days passed, I found myself looking forward to the end of my production meeting so I could rush to the lounge and be with her. It started with small talk but pretty soon we were standing by the coffee machine for extended periods which inevitably made one cup of coffee grow into two, then three. I would go home to get some sleep afterwards but stayed wide awake for hours high on caffeine.

Thanks to our conversations, I learned that she grew up with three brothers and never really knew her father. She lives for cake and pastries, which you’d never know by looking at her body. I was delighted when I discovered she hated reality TV just as much as I did and thanks to her older brothers, loved seventies and eighties music. These conversations lasted for about a week when one morning, out of the blue and in a faked serious tone said “Annie, I think it’s time we moved this relationship to the next level”. She seemed puzzled and hesitantly let out an extended “Ok” with a slight frown. “Yes. You and I have been standing by the coffee machine for our little chats long enough now and I think we’re beyond that. She clued in and began playing along “Really? You think so?” “Absolutely”, I said. “I think this thing between us is serious enough to sit at a table from now on. Plus this coffee machine has heard everything we’ve said to each other so far and it has been known to spill the beans around here.” She laughed and answered “Well, I guess that’s where we are.” On our way to a table at the back of the longe, she floored me with her next line. “But I hope you have protection, because God only knows how many people you’ve sat with at tables before me”.

What seemed to be a playful back and forth between us at the time, was a real step forward in our relationship because our words were more meaningful from that point on. Although, I would always be careful to keep the conversation focused on her and as much as possible about the present or at the most, about a fairly recent past.

Annie has a very soft voice and when she speaks to you, no matter where you are, she can make time stop and everybody else around disappear. I had conversations with women before but it seemed there was always an angle to it, a little something expected in return. It was selfish, either on their part or mine. With Annie when we talked, I was actually receiving her words, processing them and I couldn’t help how good the sound of her voice made me feel. It was filled with peace, with kindness. This, later in our relationship, I got to tell her and when I did, she was so touched her eyes filled with tears. Seeing that moment, is seeing Annie…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville joie – Money and very ugly ties

27 Sunday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. Daryl describes some changes at the radio station…

“Jackson, the manager of the station, took over my old boss Lenny’s job a little under three years ago. Lenny was old school radio and was known in the industry as one of the last great ones. A legal contract for him was synonymous with a handshake and we did radio the old way. No computers, just brains and personality. No “Corporate” to tell us to play the same damn song every half hour or to tell us that “atmosphere is more important than content”.

When the station was sold, many good people lost their jobs and were replaced by younger hosts, producers and managers all handpicked and sent by head office. Before this happened, I was one of the youngest on the air but now, compared to those around me and having just turned forty-two, I have become a dinosaur. I ended up keeping my job because it was the “Board’s belief” that the night show was “not as critical as the programming offered during traditional business hours” and also because “after careful review and assessment of the talent and his share of the market” it was “deemed appropriate to keep Mr Hart in his current capacity”. Once the crap that generously coats these words is rinsed off, it means they kept me because my ratings are good and have never ever gone down. In short; I meant steady revenues for Corporate. So they left my show untouched and even syndicated it to a few additional stations. Lenny very rarely bothered us with numbers. When they were good, he just say so and tell us to be proud. If a show was struggling, he’d offer help by throwing in a little more advertising or one of his favorite stint; arrange for an interview between the host and an outside journalist live on the air. The journalist would then promote the interview before and after it aired which amounted to free advertising for both parties. Lenny was good.

I can feel all the pride in the world for doing a show that elevates the level of thinking of my listeners, what it all comes down to are the ratings and their direct impact on revenues from advertisers. I have always hated playing the money game; I’m not that good at it in my personal life, so don’t expect miracles with it in my professional life either. I understand the need for it, I just don’t want to be involved in it because dollars and their practicality are the death of creativity. This has been my biggest conflict with the new management so far. They came up with all kinds of great ideas to “improve” my show and increase the revenues. Ideas like having people call in during my show and tell their stories on the air. They pitched me that idea at a meeting they had scheduled at nine thirty in the morning forgetting I was on the air from midnight to six am. I spent three and half hours waiting in the employee lounge and then waited another forty five minutes in the boardroom for these college kids to show up, wearing overpriced suits and ugly ties, bought with their parents hard earned money. When Jackson mentioned I didn’t seem “all that pleased” with their idea, I had to focus hard not to reach across his brand new boardroom table to shove his tie, the ugliest of the bunch, down his throat.

I realized then I what I still know now, I had to maneuver quite carefully since they could replace me at any time with a guy who could just flip a switch all night long for one tenth my salary. And It’s been bothering me for a while.

Anyway, back to Annie. She would come in to work very early, which I assumed at the time …”

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Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville Joie – Mind the mindless

25 Friday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. Daryl describes what he does…

“Beginning on her first day, Annie made it a habit to arrive at the station very early or pretty much as I ended my production meeting following my midnight to six show. I would spend a few moments in the coffee lounge and shake my head in disbelief while listening to “It’s Better in the Morning with Sean and Chris”, the guys from the morning show which is on right after my show called “Feel it Again with Daryl Hart” during which we play soft rock music from the seventies and eighties and, in between songs, I read short but carefully chosen stories which are sometimes light, sometimes more deep but always aimed at making the listeners think a little. I’m one of those guys; I simply despise mindless radio, or mindless television while we’re at it. My show has a format that is not only a perfect fit for a night show, it is also a perfect fit for my personality.

As for Sean and Chris, they are hyped as the funniest guys in town and their advertising budget for six months is bigger than the budget for my show for an entire year, including my salary. Also, they are absolute morons. They spend most of their show laughing at their own jokes and answering each other’s meaningless questions with even more meaningless answers. I just don’t get them. About two weeks ago, when commenting on a fraud case against a big shot banker that was all over the news, Sean pretended he was talking to the banker himself and yelled in the microphone “You can’t have it all, buddy” which prompted Chris to ask, in a philosophical tone, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could have it all?” Sean then came up with a real winner, the kind of punch line that makes people faint as they run for their inhaler. “That would be awesome!” Sean said. And they both exploded in laughter. “It’s 63 degrees and twenty minutes past the hour. We’ll be right back after the break”. They earned their salaries with that one.

I stood next to the coffee machine staring at the ceiling speaker in the lounge for a few seconds, then threw my coffee mug in the sink, just as the station manager was walking in. I looked at him straight in the eyes and muttered “Jesus Christ” as I passed him on my way out of the lounge. I guess publicity can turn anything into a hit. They make such a fortune and get laid like movie stars, all for spending three full hours a day on the air but saying absolutely nothing. I can’t help but think that, for what they do and for the money they make, we should release the big shot banker and prosecute them for fraud.

Jackson, the manager of the station, took over my old boss Lenny’s job a little under three years ago. Lenny was old school radio and he was known in the industry as one of the last great ones. A legal contract for him was synonymous with a handshake and we did radio the old way. No computers, just brains and personality. No “Corporate” telling us to play the same damn song every half hour. When the station was sold, many good people lost…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville Joie – Defining real beauty

23 Wednesday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. Daryl explains Annie…

“All I can see now is her face, her smile. And those eyes, God those eyes.

When Annie first started working at the radio station as publicity writer, all the guys there took notice and why not. She is after all a stunning woman, but a in deeply grounded way. She was blessed with the kind of beauty that doesn’t require much artificial highlights, if any. She dresses for work with graceful simplicity, one could say humbly, but always with impeccable taste. It was delightful surprise when I found out that, outside of the office, she has a totally different sense of style. The word eclectic comes to mind but I loved it immediately because she manages to make everything look good without even trying, which could very well be the key to it all. There is something very sexy about a woman blessed with good looks but who doesn’t make them the central point of her identity. Her beauty was as real as the rest of her and I felt that from the moment we met. I should have told her that a longtime ago. Annie would have loved that compliment, that’s how real she is.

Her best feature, and by far, are those freakishly deep brown eyes. Early in our relationship, I discovered how much I enjoyed looking at her and get lost in those eyes. It was so easy to do and it became something she would patiently let me enjoy as long and as often as I wanted. Soon her eyes were my favorite place in the world to be on a Saturday night and the whisper of her voice waking me up on Sunday morning, became my favorite sound…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville Joie – Losing a woman

21 Monday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. Daryl explains how he lost Annie…

“I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. It was quite obvious that Annie’s patience was melting away rapidly in the last few weeks and anybody other than me would have raised the issue a while ago to try and fix it.

To most people after all, what Annie wanted would have been easy enough to give. She wasn’t asking asking for the moon, which as a man would translate in asking me to talk about my thoughts and my feelings or something similar to that. No, all she wanted to discuss were my roots, my past. Sounds fair enough for two people who have been in a relationship for nearly a year. Annie has come to mean the world to me; if there is one person for whom I would open up about my story if I could, it would be her. She has tried in so many different ways to approach me on this, to get the conversation going. At first I answered with silence but as time passed and the number of her attempts grew, she was met with silence and then with silence accompanied by an annoyed look. Each time I turned her down, Annie became more fixated on trying to discuss the subject until it became the toxin that poisoned our relationship.

I knew the story she wanted to hear was too different than the story I had for her. The very thought of it causes my mind to fog making it impossible for me see the words. Her need to know my past, which I’m certain was only fueled by her kindness, kept clashing with my need to hide it. As a result, and for the first time in my adult life, I became terrified at the prospect of losing a woman. The closer we got to the inevitable, the less I knew how to stop the down spiral of the last few days which has taken its immense toll me. I must have even displayed physical evidence of it because some people at the radio station even asked me if I was feeling alright. This is quite usual given the fact that I have become some sort of an outcast at work in the last couple of years. I just lied to them and said everything was fine even though I was completely overwhelmed by the events unfolding between Annie and I.

All I can see now is her face, her smile. And those eyes, God those eyes.

When Annie first started working at the radio station…”

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville Joie – Opening sentences

20 Sunday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. These are the first sentences of Citizen of Ville Joie…

” Chapter 1

This wasn’t the first time I ended up staring at a closed door shut by a woman walking away from me on the other side. Just to be clear, these women bare no blame; I take full responsibility for driving them to that moment. A moment which sometimes expressed itself with the frustration that could only come as the result of a relationship with me. This woman swung the door shut while screaming things, that one while crying and another one while screaming things I couldn’t quite make out because of the crying. That last one was so mad and slammed the door so hard, my favourite frame fell off the wall. My reaction was the same each time; I would make myself a coffee or a snack and take a moment to enjoy the comfort brought by the silence once again surrounding me and by the knowledge that instead of losing a woman, I had regained peace.

Not today though. Today feels different.

Annie didn’t slam the door on me or left in complete hysteria. She is too shrewd for that and she knew it would have deprived the moment of its meaning, of its purpose. No, Annie looked at me straight in the eyes, slowly closed the door and gently fastened the knob, and, I could tell by the sound of her footsteps in the hallway, calmly walked away from me.

No doubt she did it in this rehearsed way in the hope I would realize I was losing something important here today. It worked. It worked so well in fact, I don’t think even she had imagined it would stir such confusion inside of me. I hadn’t felt this kind of rejection or loss in such a very longtime, it seems I have forgotten how to deal with it. I stood there alone, looking at the door, trying to figure out what to do next. I wasn’t in the mood for a snack and the silence around me felt more like a painful sting of emptiness than the peace it had offered me for as long as a I can remember.

I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. It was quite obvious that Annie’s patience was melting away rapidly in the last few weeks and anybody other than me would have raised the issue a while ago to try and fix it…

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville Joie- Here we go again!

19 Saturday May 2012

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Good day to all!

Beginning last September, I worked on this writing project trying to establish the timeline of my childhood prior to turning 10 years old. No easy task when relying solely on memories and one very lonely picture! But I believe I’ve achieved it and I can’t wait to revisit these words so I can pour my heart into it and expand on the emotions experienced at the time.

In this second part to begin soon, I will now focus on the fictional angle of my project, which is my main character Daryl Hart narrating his story. What led him to reveal these events on the air, who is this woman who finally got him to let loose, who does he work with, what will be the impact on his career after delivering such a personal and emotional story live and to so many listeners. As I’ve said before, I have this feeling he will be a smarty pants but in a good way. The promotional material of Daryl’s radio show reads “Mindful Radio” and I hope this is a trait of his personality I will be able to convey in this portion of my project. And I want to have fun doing it! With any luck, the resulting words will show that I did!

Don’t hesitate to leave comments, suggestions or thoughts on what I write.

Love and gratitude,

Steve

Citizen of Ville Joie – Love, what else.

15 Tuesday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this rewrite of the end of the previous excerpt, Daryl continues to reflect on the meaning of it all…

I have worked on the last 2 posts some more. Told you I was struggling! Let me know what you think!

Although this sounds incredibly “tortured”, I assure you, Daryl will save it all with…well, love, what else!

“…When I finally became an adult, not in physical years but in mental age, I discovered which of my wounds would never heal. Love, what else, being the deepest and the most grueling of them all. Early on, I made a habit of dating women with whom I knew for certain there would be no future. Women who in return used my vulnerabilities and hurt me deeply, some of them without even realizing it, others for their own entertainment. I can’t really blame any of them; I gave them the green light to do so. This constant battle which raged inside of me throughout the events of my childhood, this God given need and desire for love, which constantly clashed with my self imposed restrain from enjoying it, followed me for years until the quandary became a natural part of me. I had wished for love so intensely and for so long, it’s the wishing I became comfortable with and I wasn’t ready to give up that comfort for the uncertainty that is love itself. I swear, the stuff the human spirit can learn to live with.

I chose to “have” relationships but never to really “be” in one. I hovered on the surface and when things got too serious, when the conversations got too deep, it was silence that came to rescue. Just like it was silence that came to my rescue the day I was taken from my family and driven to the orphanage by a complete stranger.

Love, what else, would be the ever present failure of my life and it was inevitable since it was written for me in no uncertain words years ago. I wished for love from my mother, but she left my suitcase on the balcony and disappeared behind a closed door instead. I wished for love to share with my brothers and my sister, but they became strangers instead. I wished for love from the first family I was sent to, but they broke my bones, tore my skin and planted the seed of shame inside of me instead. I wished for love from the other families but instead, they rejected me. The victim in all of this was not me. It had to be love, what else.

So, what could possibly compel me to tell my story now and in such details after all these years of efforts to blur its images. Love, what else. And a woman. A woman who also disappeared behind a closed door…

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad

Citizen of Ville Joie – The negative for so much positive

13 Sunday May 2012

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Please read “About this project and the Author” for more information on my project. In this rewrite of the end of the previous excerpt, Daryl continues to reflect on the meaning of it all…

Although this sounds incredibly “tortured”, I assure you, Daryl will save it all with…well, love, what else!

“…I had wished for love so intensely and for so long, it’s the wishing I became comfortable with and I wasn’t ready to give up that comfort for the uncertainty that is love itself. I swear, the things the human spirit can learn to live with.

I chose to “have” relationships but never to “be” in one, not really. I hovered on the surface and when things got too serious, when the conversations got too deep, silence became my self defense. Just like silence was my self defense the day I was taken from my family and driven to the orphanage by a stranger. Love what else.

Love, what else, would be the repeated failure of my adult life and it was inevitable. What was written for me as a child became the only truth I knew to follow. I wished for love from my mother, but she left my suitcase on the balcony and hid behind a locked door. I wished for love from my brothers and sister, but they became strangers. I wished for love from the D family, but they broke my bones, tore my skin and planted the seed of shame inside of me. I wished for love from the other families, but they all rejected me in their own ways and for their own reasons.

Love, what else, could only be the victim in the long run…

Do not reproduce or copy the content of this post as it is the sole property of citizenofvillejoie.com
Contact: steve.marchand@rogers.com

This project is entirely written on an iPad